Ladies and Gentlemen, I have done it! I have broken through another ten mark! I am, officially in the 130s!! This puts me just 15 pounds outside my goal weight! And the results of all my concentrated efforts are showing.
My jeans, that I got just last week, are already getting loose. My hips bones are starting to show and a decided hourglass shape is beginning to emerge. There is still plenty of room for improvement and toning up, but I can’t help but be thrilled by the progress I’ve made so far! Years of failed effort went into this glimmering moment of success! I’m bouncing off the walls over here!
I wish I could describe for you the feeling when I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers stop 2 pounds shy of where they’d been stopping before. There was moment of disbelief, followed by shock. I simply couldn’t believe I was a weight I couldn’t even remember ever being. This feeling of slack jawed shock was quickly replaced with absolute jubilation. I jumped into the air, pumping my fist and hollered up a storm of nonsense! It. Was. AWESOME. If you haven’t yet experienced this for yourself, please allow me to encourage you to do so! If I can do it, you can do it! I promise!!
I haven’t been working out much lately. I’m lucky if I get it done once a week. I think the mind numbing bore of it all combined with the ickiness of sweating is what really turns me off about it. Plus I can be quite lazy! It’s a terrible combination, but what can you do?
Perhaps I shall start small… Doing one or two light exercises a day and seeing where that gets me. Pushups, the plank, that sort of thing. I’ll let you know how it goes.
In the meantime, I’d like to take a moment to share the positive ways this weightloss has impacted my life, if I may:
- I’m now brimming with true and genuine confidence.
- I feel totally free to be exactly who I want to be: myself.
- The bone deep struggle to resist junk food is all but gone. If I want a small treat, I have one and don’t freak out about it.
- I have so much more energy!
- There’s more of me to go around, now that there’s less of me to get around.
If you’ve known me for any length of time, you wouldn’t think that confidence is something I struggle with, but it was. For a long time, I faked it. I used logic to support my ideals on why I was awesome. There was a list of reasons I was ready to whip out at any given moment to prove that my confidence had a basis in reality. It was all fake however, as I hardly ever actually felt it. Now I feel it all the time! Don’t misunderstand, I have moments of insecurity because I’m still human unfortunately. They are no longer the rule though, they have become the exception. Feeling confident and proud and sexy is the rule, and I couldn’t be more pleased!
This confidence has freed me, as it will always do, to be myself. My heroes growing up were women like Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit and Catwoman. Those are some seriously feisty, sexy, self-possessed women (at their best anyway.) They knew what they were worth and went after it. As I grew older, Marilyn Monroe joined the fold with her practiced sex appeal. I adored them all for owning their sensual natures, knowing what they wanted and being strong and decisive women. Betty Boop knew how to say no, and Jessica did what she had to for her man. Catwoman was, is and always will be everything I’ve ever wanted to be, and Marilyn has taught me so much about what feminine strength and beauty really means. I am now confident enough to put all their many, many lessons to good use. This is exactly who I always wanted to be: me.
Work has brought on a whole new dimension of temptation in the junk food stakes. It’s literally always there, always readily available. Someone is always willing to share their treats with me. I used to hate this. It was literally one of the worst things about leaving the house. Now I don’t mind so much. I’m okay with having a few Peanut M&Ms. I know I won’t eat a whole bag, and I know it won’t crash my whole diet and ruin my life. Sugar is no longer my mistress nor my enemy. It’s just a treat. Harmless in moderation, no longer my life’s greatest struggle to moderate it. There’s a peace for me this that I cannot begin to explain.
With the excess energy drains gone and all this nourishing food coming in all the time, my body is finally able to sustain itself. I can work a 40 hour work week and be normal level tired, not unspeakably exhausted. I can also stay up till 3 am baking cookies for all my teammates, get 4 hours of sleep, have a crazy productive pre-work day and still be good to go for my 8 hour shift that night. Eight hours of concentration, fun and flirtation, not just 8 drone hours. I don’t need as much introvert-alone-recharge time either. Though I do still need it, I’m finding I have more and more energy to spend socializing with friends.
Now that I have all these wonderful things going for me, I find I can be even more generous, which is honestly one of my favorite things to be! I’m a giver, not a taker, and having the energy and confidence to spend on others and their happiness. I love encouraging others and building their joy and confidence. People are my favorite investment and I think they have the highest return. Being free and able to spread so much kindness, love, generosity, fun, mischief, playfulness and whimsy is simply the truest realization of who I am and who I have always wanted to be.