You know what’s funny? After that post about favorite flavors of sin, I was suddenly consumed by my own. The devil knows when you’re weakest and his attacks are always tailor-made. It’s nothing personal, he just hates God THAT much. We’re soft and easy targets, the very best form of collateral damage to wound our Father’s heart to the depths. Which super sucks in every possible way, but all the more if you’re a luster like myself. Not because it hits us any harder or anything like that, but simply because sexual sin the literal worst.
Every other kind of sin is outside your body, outside your person. It harms others much more so than it does you. Sure, you might engage in some self harm with things like cutting, but even that is a surface wound. It hurts your soul, it hurts your body, it hurts. But that is a very different kind of hurt from a sexual wound.
There is a reason that child molesters are frequently the targets of violence in prison. Their sin was the worst. Sure, this man killed another man, but you committed sexual sin against an innocent child. Even the worst our society has to offer recognizes this as a true form of evil.
It’s the reason rape is such a big deal, even when stacked up against something as serious as assault. Even in the fallen world we live in, we can still recognize that someone beating the crap out of you is preferable to someone forcing themselves on you in a sexual manner.
There is a reason behind all this, and it’s instinctual for all our God-given bits and pieces. We, as a society, do our best to bury it. And, terrifyingly enough, we have largely succeeded. The meaning of sex has almost been done away with entirely. “Sex sells” and you are free to do with your body as you wish. And you are, but that does not mean you should.
See there is something missing in virtually every sex-ed class being taught across the nation. And no, it isn’t the lack of information about “safe sex”, but the lack of education on what sex truly is. We teach kids that it’s something to be saved and waited for, but we fail to give them a reason to do so. There’s a long list of negatives if you don’t wait, but I’ve only ever heard of a few places ever giving positive reasons that abstinence is worth it.
My school wasn’t exactly among those, but it was closer than a lot of other places I’ve heard about since. Still, I made a promise to myself that day, and more importantly, to Jesus. I have never regretted it, though I have occasionally questioned it now that I’m grown. All I can see is wisdom in it though, and all the ways in which it’s kept me from harm so much greater than I suffered. I’ve never, not once, regretted not sleeping with someone. I have heard many a tale of people who’ve regretted plenty of sexual encounters, and I consider myself highly blessed to not be counted among them.
The reason why, for me, is simple: I’m keepin ’em closed for Jesus. That is how I have described my virginity for years and years now. It’s how I think of it. Sure, it’s a rather brash and humorous way of putting it, but if you knew me, you’d know that it’s exactly right for me.
Sex is beautiful. It’s an act meant to bind our very souls to that of our spouse. The reason sleeping around is such a bad idea (besides all the obvious ones like unwanted pregnancy, disease, low self-esteem, etc.) is because your soul looses it’s stickiness. Much like the way we would try to restick our favorite stickers to every outfit we wore when we were little, once you’ve stuck them on something else, they’re never as sticky again.
That’s what happens every time you have sex with someone who is not your spouse. You’re sticking your soul to another, and that’s why it hurts so bad to lose a love. Especially the first time. Your soul feels like it’s being ripped in half because it is. It will never be the same. You will never be the same. You’ve lost some of your stickiness, and you’ll carry that with you to every subsequent relationship.
The good news is God can restore you. He can make your soul all types of sticky again! But it takes hella work. It is absolutely no fun and it hurts like hell. You will not enjoy it, and it will take loads of time to repair. But it can be done. He’ll get you there. I’ve seen it 🙂
This is why I keep ’em closed for Jesus. He’s infinitely wiser than me, so what he says goes really. In this circumstance though, I can honestly say I can’t see a better way. Everyone I’ve ever known to have waited has such a different dynamic to their relationship than those who haven’t. They’ve never regretted their choice. I’ve never regretted mine. Sure, I’ve missed out what would have most likely been some fabulous romps, but they were absolutely not worth the pain that would have come later.
I am nothing short of grateful to ten year-old me for making that promise to Jesus. It was the best decision I ever made. Keeping it hasn’t been easy, and my love of lust means I trip a lot. But I’ve never quite fallen down. I’ve never known that pain. And I never will.
Until next time, darlings…