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Thirteen is my favorite number for a plethora of reasons that I won’t go into here, but while I was writing yesterday’s post I realized exactly what I would want to write about today unless something happened to change it. The fact that it falls on my thirteenth posting about my weight loss journey is yet another moment of perfection to add to the long list of reasons why I love 13 so much.

This is the longest I’ve ever stuck with something like this. EVER. A very big deal in my world, especially when I think back to how many times I’ve failed before. So what’s different? Why am I pressing on through this, shunning free Oreos and declining the offer of a tootsie roll, either of which would have done me in before? Easy: David Scarzone, IM5 and the hope they give me.

I tried to write this post once before and realized I needed not one but TWO other posts first. There was simply too much backstory and exposition that I felt was necessary. Without a full-fledged explanation of my love of boybands and men, this post would loose a great deal of it’s potential impact. These are essential ingredients in my opinion, so I would encourage you to go read them, but what follows will hopefully still make sense without them in case you just don’t want to. Or if you simply don’t feel like reading both, I’ve hyperlinked the one about men at the end of this post, when it may be of more interest to you. 😉

As I’ve already waxed poetic about David and IM5, I shall keep the explanation here brief as possible. I adore IM5, and it’s an exciting time to be a fan of theirs right now as they are constantly coming out with new content. At the very least there’s twitter updates daily. Their webseries with Todrick Hall, #Bandcamp, comes out with a new episode every week on Wednesdays. They have a new music video coming out this Tuesday (8/26/14). All of this gives me something to look forward too every single day. A very important ingredient in having a better attitude.

David is my favorite, by far and away. I’m a fan of his before I’m a fan of IM5, so while I’ve delved into the band as a whole, my exploration of the other members has been light and I don’t particularly care much about their stuff before May 3rd of this year, when David officially joined. Don’t get me wrong. There are things I love about each member and I love the group as a whole too, but David wins. Period. He’s just got too many things that I find lovable and attractive in a man for him to not.

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The man is also a bit of a fitness nut. His body is obvious proof. Going far enough back in his Instagram will show you the transformation he underwent to get that way. Which is encouraging in it’s own way, because if he can do it, so can I. That’s not what motivates me most about him though. He said something, and I’m paraphrasing from memory here so forgive me if I get it slightly wrong, but he said that he was uncomfortable in his own skin and that that was why he changed. To please himself.

Pretty damn wise for someone fresh to adulthood. These were the words that really hit home with me. I’m not comfortable in my own skin either. I’m putting in all of this work for me. To have my Marilyn Monroe body because that’s what I’d be comfortable in. No one can do it for me and nothing will make me truly happy until I get there. If I met him today, I’d yawn because that’s what I do when I’m nervous/uncomfortable. Later I would be pissed at myself for yawning and not being myself, but there would be naught to be done about it. The damage would be done and the impression made… or not made as it may well end up. I would be a little crushed and feel rather hopeless again. In the end it would all be much more of a nightmare than a dream come true.

This is what I hold fast to when the sugar is offered and I’m dying to say yes. I’ve almost burst into tears in a supermarket on more than one occasion from all the sights and smells and cravings they incite. But I haven’t given in, and I won’t ever again. Self control is something you must fight hard for and now that I’ve won it, I am unwilling to loose it. David was my weapon of choice. I think of him, recall an IM5 interview/performance/webisode and use the joy it brings me to get past the craving, sometimes laughing while I do. He represents all that I’m working toward now. No, not just a man as they are relatively low on my to do list, but having the confidence to go faerie chasing. There is great deal I wish to accomplish within my lifetime and David has come to be the poster boy for my dreams. Given that I’d given up all hope that someone like him even existed, that doesn’t seem too far a stretch to me.

Until then,

~me💋

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED 8/23/14

 

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