🎈🎊🎉🎊🎈I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK!! 🎈🎊🎉🎊🎈This may not seem like such a big deal to you, but as someone who has ALWAYS cheated and ultimately quit within the first seven days, I’m feeling pretty damn accomplished right now! 😏 Naturally, I had to find something to kill this feeling as quickly as possible; so I decided to clean out my closet.

Getting dressed has been a hassle for the past few years. I haven’t been a healthy weight since I was about 9, but I have fluctuated greatly in that time. On the lower end of the spectrum, I can still pass as in shape. My body doesn’t feel super awesome, but it’s feels okay and my clothes fit properly. On the higher end, I am made of lumps and clumps and nothing looks or feels good. While I’m not at my heaviest I’ve ever been (163lbs. and I’m 5’4”), I’m definitely at the higher end of my spectrum right now. 😒

Sick of being late or knowing what I want to wear only to find it doesn’t fit, I decided to whittle down my wardrobe. It was a singularly depressing experience. There is a size that I REFUSE to go past in my Mossimo Supply Co. jeans and those are barely fitting. 😖(I use that brand for size because I’ve been wearing them the whole time since I graduated from kiddie clothes, the only brand that can claim that distinction, making them a good measuring stick.) Most of my skirts don’t make it past my thighs, and my shirts all cling to my body’s “natural” muffin top. [No matter how heavy I get, my stomach never quite overhangs close to my body, there’s always a space- creating a “natural” muffin top. When I’m lighter, it makes me look thinner than I am by holding my belly slightly up, so instead of looking overweight right away, I just look pregnant for a while. Honestly, I prefer it this way.]

None of that makes me feel good in my clothes, and all of it makes getting dressed a singularly frustrating experience. So I packed it all away. All the clothes I don’t fit into… yet. As I shrink down to a healthy weight, as I inch closer to my Marilyn Monroe body, I can go shopping under my bed for “new” clothes that fit. In fact, some of them are genuinely new, having never been able to fit into them in the first place. Those are the ones I’m most excited about.

I can’t wait to fit into my Harley Quinn pants and shirts. All my best nerdy shirts, my cutest skirts and my favorite pair of jeans are down there. All just waiting. And I’m waiting too. Though far less passively. This week I’m going to try to decrease the volume of food I’ve been intaking, because though it was all healthy and allowed, I’ve still been ingesting far too much of it. Last week I made a success of my new diet, began an exercise regimen and lost 2 pounds. Let’s see what I can do this week!

Until then,

~me💋

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED 8/18/14

*That first weekend seems to be forever lost…

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